Monday, August 4, 2008

What's Hap'nin'

I thought I was getting stable. What a laugh!* A few days ago I had another all-day pissed-off session, except that it wasn't quite as intense, and then it happened again today, except it was more intenserer - or something like that. I was spoiling for a fight, ready to take on anybody in my way. Nobody got in my way.

I half-joked with Adriene, when her mom and all the rest of the siblings went to the store, that it was a good thing that she had stayed home to help me look after the babies, or "Mary would come home to find the babies tied to their cribs and me outside dancing naked with the dogs." As I said, I was only half joking.

KC, who is also bipolar, accompanied me to a depression/bipolar support group meeting this evening, where I almost dozed off. They seem like a nice group of folks, very supportive (a good thing in a support group) and we will probably be going back to the monthly meetings.

*Then Mary and I went out shopping for a few essentials, and I almost lost control right in the middle of Wal-Mart. It was not quite anxiety, but I felt faint, my face felt hot (hotter than usual since starting the drugs, that is) and the lights kept getting dimmer. I just wanted to get out of there and go home. I managed not to start crying until we got in the car, but then wept all the way back home.

On the drive I started hearing voices. Not really sounds-like-a-real-person voices, but whispers that that I knew weren't real, ghostly susurrations at the limits of audibility. But there were hundreds, maybe thousands. Spooky, that's all.

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