Monday, June 9, 2008

Day 13: Steady as She Goes

Monday June 9, 2008

So far, everything's just fine. That is to say, I'm floating slowly through the day; I have a feeling I'll be edging upward by evening, though.

I was hoping that treatment would leave me feeling "normal", but it may be a faint hope, and my life will only be less polarized. I do have brief moments of ordinariness, interludes of fairytale perfection. You can't imagine how good that feels, or how awful it is to lose the feeling. Mary and I had breakfast together this morning, an all too rare occurrence these days, and it was heaven. The feeling passed now, I'm just slow and numb.

The power went off for 4½ hours last night; I handled that well, and with good humor. And today Mary and I sat down and waded through several months' worth of mail ignored during my latest and greatest depressive episode. One of my biggest fears has been that I would not be able to function but I think some of that has been allayed.

Update: Well, maybe. I couldn't remember if I took my midnight lithium last night. Now I can't remember if I took my 8:00 AM dose. In 45 minutes it won't make any difference, but at the moment my whole body is quavering, my face feels funny, the tinnitus is screeching, I'm twitchy - like I'm nervous - and the halos are here again. Yuck. I must have missed both doses.

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