Diagnosis

Wednesday May 28, 2008

I've been an emotional wreck for three months - maybe more. After an all-day sob-fest, I told Mary that if I wasn't better in the morning, to get me an appointment with someone, anyone. I was better in the morning, but, thank God, she got me an appointment with our family doctor anyway. I managed it hold it together during the exam, only lapsing into tears twice.

Doc gave me some evaluations, multiple-choice tests, I answered them, and he decided that I was, indeed, bipolar. There. It's out in the open. No more lying and coping. No more hiding this condition from family, friends, and associates. He went through a whole list of symptoms, and it was like he'd been watching me my whole life.

We went home with a bag of antidepressants, a prescription for lithium carbonate, and an appointment for two weeks later.

First DoseLexipro (escitalopram oxalate) 10mg and lithium carbonate (generic) 300mg. I didn't know what to expect. I thought, hoped, that I wouldn't feel anything, just lose the crazy and be normal. Like Claritin: you don't feel anything, you just don't sneeze anymore.

Ten minutes later: BAM. The world got evvvvvver so warm and snuggly, and I didn't have to cry any more. So I floated through the afternoon and enjoyed the high. It's supposed to take up to two weeks for results, but I had happy sailing almost immediately.

My eyesight improved instantly. Everything was sharper and more detailed, and, for the first time EVER, I can see in 3-D. I can only attribute that to the drugs somehow preventing my lazy eye from suppressing, forcing it to cooperate with it's brother. In fact, one side effect I have is circumocular pain on the right side. Perhaps the muscles are being forced to keep my eyeball alligned, something they're not used to.

Related to that, I think, is a sort of left-right disassociation, if that's the right word. Rub your left leg with your left hand -- Ok so far. Rub your right leg with your right hand -- Ok. Now, rub your left leg with your right hand...WOW! that feels weird. It's like someone is rubbing my leg, but it's not really me, and at the same time I'm rubbing someone's leg, but it's not quite mine.

Update: My right side (left brain) seems to be getting the message a microsecond or so faster than my left side (right brain). Dragging a finger along is strange: right finger, left side it's like feeling a shadow following along behind the finger; left finger, right side is really freaky, because the finger is chasing the dimple!

Other symptoms include enhanced tinitus. I've had it since that concert in 1972 (Raleigh, NC, Wild Turkey, Sweat Hog, and Black Sabbath -- I was standing right up by the stage; Ozzie was wearing jeans and sneakers). For a while after the pills go down the singing in my ears changes pitch, gets louder and is quite intrusive.

By bedtime the worst of the weirdness is under control, if not gone completely. I feel strange, but under control. Another lithium and go to bed.