Monday, June 23, 2008

Who are you?

I wasn't me again last night. I still don't know if it's Pristiq or lithium. I do know it is the Pristiq that makes me restless and jittery before making me drowsy enough to get to sleep. When I take my daily dose (well, 20 minutes after) it's like my worse manic episode mixed with a moderate depressive episode.

Have you seen the movie Speed Racer? Imagine all the lights flashing by are replaced by newspaper clippings. That's what racing thoughts are. Now, drink a six-pack of beer and put on concrete sneakers and lead-lined gloves. Welcome aboard. Enjoy your evening.

On the good side, I only cried for a few minutes. I also cleaned the toilet and bathroom around it (the score so far is 2½ adults and one baby with gastroenteritis; I'm holding my breath - in more ways than one) so I am still functional.

Update:

Either [1] it's not the Pristiq after all, or [2] the Pristiq, being timed release, has just finished releasing a dose into my gut. It's fifteen hours since I took the last dose, and still an hour until the next lithium, and I'm nervous, irritable, aggressive, entertaining the Wild Mouse (see "Speed Racer, above) and just feel, well, boogada boogada, boogada boogada-boogada-boogada boogada-boogada-boogada BOOGADA-BOOGADA-BOOGADA!! if you know what I mean. God, I hate this.

Update 2:

It seems to be on about a 4 hour cycle. I was weird-ish around 3 PM, then again at about 7 PM. I should get antsy around 11 PM if this holds true. We'll see.

1o:10 PM:

And I'm starting to get ookie - sorry, it's hard to explain. The tinnitus is starting to scream.

10:30 PM:

Ok, full-frontal manic attack. I did the dishes, I was doing two, three, four things at once. Talking like a tape recorder with too many batteries installed. Definitely manic. I don't like it this time. It's like I'm desperate, trying to cram in everything in a few minutes. I hate this as much as the depression. Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop Make it stop.

10:50 PM:

Damn, that was fast, in more ways than one. I already feel like I'm falling, melting, sliding into lethargy. I have to take another round of drugs in less than two hours, and not looking forward to the torment. Still the tinnitus screams.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I totally feel your pain! This is great writing. You should update more.