Day 22: Wild Horses

Wednesday June 19, 2008

I started taking my antidepressant at midnight instead of afternoon, so the immediate rush will (hopefully) make me drowsy and help me sleep. That didn't work as well as hoped, and though I slept fairly well, it was only an hour at a time. I've been up since 6:30 AM. I've had a dozen or more Good Ideas since then. I washed all the dishes, including the baby bottles. I've been directing Chris and Jen in clearing their room to make space for a crib. I had a good breakfast. That's more than I've been able to accomplish in a few hours since before last month.

But I have been irritable this morning, and apparently exhibiting some sort signs of aggression, because my kids have been doing stuff as I ask without back-talk or attitude. Uh-oh, Dad's close to the edge, better not make him angry.

Am I manic? Maybe this is what normal feels like. I hope not: I feel like I want a fight, but don't want that feeling any more. I know I have to be careful if I do start to get high, because I won't have much (if any) constraint. Hmmm...I need be sure Mary knows to what to look for and will call me down if she sees it happening. Kids, too.